We were promised an epic, sweeping science fiction movie from one of the most talented filmmakers of our generation. It was supposed to be the most technologically advanced movie in history, and it was supposed to be a biting social commentary at that. It sounds like we were going to get the greatest movie ever created! What we got was Pocahontas meets DOOM, rendered by the Final Fantasy team.

I'll be the first to admit there aren't many unique stories left. Star Wars looks like someone's school project for their "Introduction to Archetypal Storytelling" class. Even groundbreaking films like Memento rely on gimmicks. That being said, Avatar is the story of the evil white men slaughtering the natives so the white men can steal their land. That story has actually happened over and over again in history, there's no reason to make up FAKE versions of it.

The story follows a space marine (of course) as he goes about his task of infiltrating the natives in order to gain their trust so that the evil white men can kill them more effectively. The "hook" in this particular movie is that he uses a mind-reading machine to control a simulated alien body, so that the aliens more easily trust him.

The aliens (the Na'vi) are 10 feet tall, blue, and have tails and special hair that works like a network port. Otherwise, they're human, down to their facial expressions and the breasts of the females. Of course there's breasts, this is hollywood! In order to keep this available to all audiences, each alien nipple is cleverly concealed by a feather or a strap of leather that never moves.

So the space marine eventually falls in love with the lifestyle of the natives (helped in part, I'm sure, by the fact that they're all sexually attractive to a human male, and they're naked all the time). He decides that the evil white men are, in fact, evil, and helps the natives overcome all odds and destroy hundreds of armored gunships using nothing but bows and arrows.

Oh and the planet, the planet steps up and provides a nice Deus Ex Machina that actually defeats the evil humans. This is not explained.

The story is indeed epic, for those of us who didn't see Pocahontas. The graphics are groundbreaking for those of us who didn't play Final Fantasy 8. The 3D was mind-blowing, for those of us who didn't see Beowulf. I'll admit that 3D is the future of cinema, but only because you cannot yet buy 3D projectors for your home in America.

As a piece of actual science fiction, it is not internally consistent. I won't nerd-out on you too much, but if they want me to believe this planet could physically exist, they might want to avoid breaking the first 3 laws of motion, and they should probably at least glance at a biology textbook. Even ignoring the fact that the whole "every animal has a fiber optic port on its head" nonsense, the animals are unrealistic, and would quickly be replaced by more efficiently evolved animals. Yes, it's cool to see an "alien" tiger with TWO paws at the end of each leg, but what benefit would that serve to a real creature? All it would do is halve the striking power of each claw, and breaking one leg would take out two paws instead of one. Little things like that bug me about movies, espeically sci fi.

Basically, Avatar is good. It's not good enough for a billion dollar media blitz and product tie-ins in every conceivable industry, but it's a good movie. I definitely recommend watching it in the theaters, because the 3D is good (especially if you didn't see Beowulf). However, don't go into it thinking you're going to see a groundbreaking, oscar-worthy piece of cinema. It's a cheap gimmick that much of the country has already experienced thanks to the popularity of online games, and that cheap gimmick is hastily pasted onto a story we've all heard hundreds of times. I'd give it a MEH if it weren't so entertaining to watch dragons fighting helicopters in 3D. Check it out, but keep your expectations low.