If you had asked me yesterday "Daniel, when was the last time you had thrown a controller in frustration?" I would have replied "dear reader, I'm far too experienced and mature to do such a silly thing, the last time I threw a controller was far back in my youth, perhaps during the heyday of the Genesis." If you ask me today, however, I'd say "last night playing that FUCKING GTA IV"

I think I figured it out. As a piece of electronic entertainment, GTA IV is definitely one of the best of its kind. However, as a GAME, it falls far short of the mark. Yes, the storyline is fantastic, yes the acting is great, yes the writing is top notch, yes it's beautiful, but once you put a controller in my hand it goes flying across the room in rage.

In my "first impression" I talked about how I couldn't really identify with the main character Niko. Well once he reveals more of his motivation you really start rooting for him. I really like Niko now. However, I still want to shoot Roman in his fat stupid face. The rest of the characters are a mixed bag. Some of them are awesome, people that you'd want on your side in a prison riot. Others, however, are the reason you'd throw a prison riot. Unfortunately for me, I'm obsessed with finishing all the missions, so I have to deal with the morons like Playboy X and Little Jacob.

Also in my first impression I discussed the problems with the controls. They're still there. Yes, after an additional 20 hours I very rarely crash into things, and I've learned that Niko goes wherever he chooses when he's on foot, and I really don't have much input into the matter, but the controls are still sloppy. I STILL manage to sometimes slide the camera into useless positions when I'm trying to make a tight turn, and that's just unacceptable. Why would you put the same functionality on the left stick as on the right stick, especially when the left stick is used in part to control the characters? That's just stupid. Plus, now that I've managed to steal motorcycles, boats, and helicopters I know that the problem with the left stick is ONLY limited to the cars. Other vehicles make use of the Y axis on the left stick, so it's like the developers were unwilling to have an axis that "did nothing" while driving, so they said "hey, why not make it move the camera up underneath the car where it won't do anyone any good?!" Also, for some reason the AI vehicles have taken up this hilarious hobby of swerving into my way for no reason. I'll be tearing down the shoulder of the highway at 90MPG and a taxi will suddenly decide that it really needs to be smashed up against the concrete divider right in my damn way. Why? What purpose does that serve?

If you've played the game for a while, you also will know that Niko loves his cell phone. Loves it so much, in fact, that he'll make calls during firefights, while on fire, or while dangling off the edge of a building. Last night, when I threw my controller, this is what happened: There is a mission you get from Dwayne who asks you to kill the owners of a strip club. So I go there and I find there's 3 owners in 3 different corners of the bar. I shoot the first one in the head and exit the room he's in. The bartender has somehow procured an Uzi, and kills me. Stupid, but it's my fault I guess. I load, and do the 10 minute setup of the mission again (yes, I could have used the "retry" option, but 10% of $200,000 is a LOT of money). The second time, I decide to take the first guy out hitman-style, with my knife. (Shawn, remind me to review Hitman) However, unlike "real" games where collision detection determines hits, GTA IV apparently works on an animation-keyed system. The guy won't take knife damage unless he's standing or sitting. So I hit him once, he began to stand up, I swing at him 6 more times without hitting him, then managed to hit him again once his "standing" animation finished. He grabbed a gun (during which I was unable to hit him) and then squeezed off a couple shots into my face, killing me.

The THIRD time I tried, I grabbed a bat instead of the knife, and managed to kill the first guy with one hit. I went to the back room where the second guy was getting a lap dance, and tossed a grenade in, killing him. The third guy escaped in an SUV. I followed him, shooting all the way (shooting while driving is KICK ASS, but the controls make it difficult) with a dozen cops chasing us. I finally managed to pop his tires and he crashed and got out. I jumped out and fired at him, but he dove behind a truck, jumped into another vehicle, and took off. I hit Y to get back in my corvette. However, as some of you may know, hitting Y doesn't make you get into the car in front of you, the game decides which car you will attempt to get into, and you can't do ANYTHING until the attempt is complete. So I was standing there, facing my open car door, and I hit Y. Niko turned, walked calmly through a hail of bullets, and tried to open the door of a police cruiser while I screamed at him to stop. There was a cop standing right there, preventing the door from opening, so Niko simply tugged wistfully at the handle while the SWAT team pumped him full of bullets. I've never screamed "NO NO NO YOU STUPID FUCK" at a video game character before. Isn't the point of the CONTROLLER to let me CONTROL the actions of my character?

The fourth time I played...oh the fourth time. I had partially thrown my controller the third time, just a little up-and-down action. The fourth time though, it went down almost the same way. I ended up chasing the third guy through the streets of Manhattan. Although this time, he helpfully wrecked my corvette on the way out of the parking lot, so I had to take the '82 chevy that was next to it. I finally chased him down, got out of the car with cops everywhere, grabbed my machine gun and emptied a whole clip through the driver's side window. Finally! I killed him! I hit Y to steal his car and begin outrunning the police. But wait! Niko needs to make a phone call! Right there in front of 50 cops with machine guns, with safety within arm's reach, he pulls out that damn cell phone and makes a call. He almost finished dialing before he died. That's when I threw the controller, for real.

Finally, I mentioned the combat in my first review. I said it was too easy. Well it's still too easy, sort of, but to make up for it they throw hundreds of bad guys at you. Hundreds. With machine guns. And they hide. So instead of "lock on, pull trigger, repeat" it becomes "lock on, wait for them to pop up from behind cover, pull trigger, get shot from another direction, reposition, repeat." When it's not frustrating it's boring.

Basically, GTA IV should have been play tested. Not for bugs, but for fun. As a piece of entertainment art, it's fantastic. As a piece of electronic media, it's groundbreaking. As a GAME, it's frustrating, dull, and annoying. Put the two together and you get a MEH at best.